Awareness through Emotional Exploration
By Anita Boser, LMP, CHP

Even though I am a mom who freaks out about her kids frequently (too frequently, they will tell you), I feel fear most
often when driving. Traffic stops suddenly or someone cuts me off. Fearing injury from an accident, I suck my breath
up into my throat and contain it with my tongue pressed firmly against the roof of my mouth. My stomach tries to pull
the rest of my digestive track up into itself. My fingers and toes clench. Then the danger is gone and I am left with the
residual affects.

It's no wonder that I yell when driving. Yelling expels the air from my throat, loosens my tongue and lets my intestines
settle back near their resting positions. Without yelling, more of the fear would be trapped inside my body.

Emotions get stuck in people for a variety of reasons. Many people believe that emotions live in the brain, not the body.
We commonly deny our emotional experience to control our behavior or to escape the discomfort of emotion. Even
with awareness, we can be in such a hurry to go on to the next activity that we don't take time to release emotional energy.

When I ask my clients where they feel sadness or joy in their bodies, many are confused. They don't expect to find emotions there. Emotions are not just in the mind as a collection of brain cells turned on and off like computer bytes. Emotions live in the body as a series of distinct sensations. We assume that we think emotions, but they are called feelings for good reason. Fear, being so primitive, has been retained by the body, but our minds have commandeered the bulk of most other emotions. Sadness is then associated with what I think rather than the lump in my throat, fallen shoulders and collapsed knees. Joy is associated with what I do rather than the lightness and extra vibrations that surge through me.

Pain can be evidence of a suppressed emotion. Anger and frustration are not well tolerated in our society, especially when expressed by women. We can mentally deny anger to be successful in our families and community. However, the emotion still lives physically and takes energy to be controlled. The struggle between the emotion and the control becomes pain.

Some emotions are more than awkward. They are painful. Shame and embarrassment are emotions that we push away and avoid. Doing so is like a magic trick that converts an emotion into rationalization. But the magic is an illusion. The feelings lay deep within the body under the holding patterns of tight back, neck, leg or arm muscles, which take emotional and physical energy to keep hidden from awareness.

Think of a time in your life when you were disappointed. Perhaps a friend couldn't meet you for a date or you missed a favorite activity. Now explore your body for sensations. Notice what you feel in your face, neck, chest, guts and legs. Next, don't move any part of yourself. Try to be happy without movement. Notice how movement from a disappointed state to a happy state must come from within, from your body not your mind.

As easy as it is to ignore, it is just as easy to find and explore our full emotional experience. Ask yourself many times a day, "How do I feel?" Name the emotion and the sensations in your body. For example, I feel giddy. I feel like bubbles are in my neck and head and my fingers and elbows are light. I feel angry. My back is tense and I have a strange contraction in my bowels. Tension in my back and bowel problems are common for me. Obviously, I am holding onto some anger. Releasing it would serve me well. Knowing this, I can seek help so that I can let go and regain some of my spirit.

I am trying to get in touch with the physical experience of emotions so that they are all as accessible as fear. I believe that actively cultivating my emotional awareness connects my life with who I am. This is vital for the increased awareness and presence that I desire. It also feels more honest to me. I am trying to change my normal pattern of yelling at my children after they narrowly escape some peril. I try not to yell: "You shouldn't do that. You could get hurt. Be more careful!" What I really mean is: "I'm scared! My heart jumped into my throat. I'm yelling to make myself feel better."

Finding and releasing hidden emotions is like a treasure hunt that reclaims our true selves. Fear is a helpful guide, because it is so easy to connect physically. Fear also teaches us to feel beyond the discomfort into the broad realm of self-discovery.

This article was published in the October 2002 edition of Verve.

Anita is a Certified Hellerwork Practitioner. Hellerwork helps create new possibilities for being and awareness with a combination of bodywork, voice dialogue and movement education. Anita can be reached at 425-765-2713.